A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their degree of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier degrees of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are a predictable a part of life’s journey. Inside a spirituality where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant closeness, it’s natural that we won’t always see eye to eye together. Imagine this kind of instance, as soon as your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your partner says and does (and also by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as opposed to principled responses. Countless regrettable actions and thoughts occur in such moments. One time i did a talk within a bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words may cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long afterwards brittle bones are already healed. There was clearly a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Instead of holding on to this negativity, you can consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s look at it together. Picture yourself because heated moment if you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you were capable to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Understand that you don’t must be physically and even verbally abusive being violent. Even thoughts can be destructive, especially because they are inadvertently reflected inside our attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you may become withdrawn and demanding during an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the opposite way round, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, why don’t you strike in the event the iron is cold? Allow yourself to relax and cool off, and share how you feel and thoughts if you are ready and therefore are competent at clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any sort implies that you’re identified using the thinking mind.
It means you don’t begin to see the other person anymore, however only your personal notion of that person. To lessen the aliveness of one other person to some concept is definitely a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose you are well on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the length of life. Regardless of how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. One of the most capable fishermen and sailors realize that sometimes the best thing you can do-or one and only thing you can do-is to merely ride out your storm. Let the feelings blow through you then pass. Ride out of the mental storm. It’s only a cascade of chemicals, you already know, determined by fear. These are merely waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you remarked that it’s much better to stay afloat when you relax one’s body instead of when you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown within their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with your mantras:
Storms always pass. There is no need to panic or fear.
Ride out your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I am going to analyze the storm. Now I want only observe it. Now I am going to wait and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to sit down far better analyze the storm, and know what caused it. You may also uncover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you pull through? How will you get this transition easier down the road?
Utilize storm as an opportunity to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, understand that storms really are a a part of life, however you possess the chance to navigate on your path through them. You will always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles do not block the path; they are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
For more info about spirituality just go to the best resource: click to read more